Tales From Greenstone, Episode One: Hugo's Turn

The cheepmunk gnawed on a bunkleberry. This was odd, since there was no bunkleberry tree within one hundred miles of the spot. The cheepmunk itself was not that dissimilar to what we know as a chipmunk - it was small, furry, had a cute little face and a tendency to sing popular songs in a high squeaky voice. Nevertheless, there are some clear differences - for one, it was green. For another, it had a beak. And for another, it had sharp little claws that could give a nasty scratch if an offending party got too close.

The cheepmunk paused in mid chew. A steady “clop-clop-clop” sound was announcing the arrival of something much larger than itself. The cheepmunk decided that its claws would not help in this circumstance, so it postponed the bunkleberry feast and dove into its hole.

At that moment, two riders on horseback appeared. One was tall, broad shouldered, and had a flowing mane of red hair. He wore a greenish tunic and a scabbard that held a large sword. This was William Rumper, the greatest hero in Greenstone.

At his side rode a slightly shorter man whose head was covered in blonde hair. He had a full beard, and carried a scar on his left cheek. This was Hugo Gritt, William Rumper’s truest friend and comrade in arms.

The two had been riding in silence for several miles now. The sun burned hot from overhead. The horses trotted along, enjoying the warm day.

Hugo was the first to break the silence. “So, what are we doing again?”

“You know,” said William. “Traveling across the land. Seeking adventure. Battling the forces of evil.”

“We did that yesterday,” Hugo grumbled.

“Yeah, well, that’s what we do,” William responded.

“I’m sick of it,” griped Hugo.

“It can’t all be apocalyptic battles with demons and vicious beasts, you know,” William told him. “There’s lots of stuff to see and do out here.”

“Like what?” Hugo demanded.

“Didn’t you see that cheepmunk? You don’t see those everyday.”

“Cheepmunk,” Hugo snorted. “Oooh, I’m terrified. I might get a scratch.”

“Those things sting,” William replied. “Anyway, you got a better idea?”

“Yep,” said Hugo. “How about we explore other planets in search of intelligent life?”

William stopped his horse and stared at his friend. “Explore other planets in search of intelligent life?”

“Yeah!” said Hugo excitedly. “It’d be better than just wandering around looking for cheepmunks.”

“No,” said William, and started his horse again.

“Why not?” Hugo complained. “We never explore other planets in search of intelligent life!”

“That’s because it’s stupid,” said William.

“Oh, and wandering around with nothing to do isn’t?” said Hugo. “We’re always traveling across the land, seeking adventure and battling the forces of evil. Just for once, I’d like to explore other planets in search of intelligent life.”

William thought about this. “What if we don’t find any?”

“We won’t know unless we try, will we?” Hugo smelled victory.

William sighed. “FINE,” he said. “Just one problem. How will we get there?”

Hugo smiled. “I know just the thing.”
-------------------------------------------
“What is that?” William wanted to know.

“It’s our spacecraft,” Hugo replied happily. “Are you ready to go?”

“It looks like a hunk of wood,” William said.

Indeed, the spacecraft could not have looked more rickety. It barely looked like it could hold the both of them, and definitely looked like it would not survive the journey through the earth’s atmosphere.

“Stop being a baby,” said Hugo. “Are you putting on your spacesuit?”

“No,” said William. “I wouldn’t have any place to put my sword.”

“Whatever,” said Hugo with a shrug. “Don’t come crying to me when you suffocate in the vacuum of space.”

“Wouldn’t I be too busy suffocating to cry to anyone?”

“Just shut up and get in.”

Grumbling, William climbed in the rocket. Hugo flipped a few levers as if he’d been doing this all his life, and the spaceship rose slowly into the air. With a roar of the engines, it shot off into the sky.

The sky got less and less blue as the craft rose, and finally turned black. The two heroes looked with wonder at the stars dotted all around.

A deafening roar behind the ship got their attention. They looked over their shoulders to see a giant fireball where the earth had been moments ago.

“OH NO!” cried Hugo. “THE EARTH BLEW UP! WE GOT OUT JUST IN TIME!”

“No it didn’t,” said William, as the fireball cleared to reveal the planet exactly as it had been. “Stop being ridiculous.”

“Sorry,” Hugo mumbled. “Just trying to keep things interesting.” Then, louder, he said, “Making the jump to hyperspace in 3...2...1...NOW!”

The stars blurred into long streaks of light beside the spacecraft as it hurtled forward. William stared disinterestedly out the window.

“Are we there yet?” he asked.

“Nope, sorry,” said Hugo. “We’ve got 43 billion light years to go.”

William sighed. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

“You should have thought about that before we left,” said Hugo. “Ah, here we go.”

The spaceship slowed and the stars returned to normal. The ship was now in orbit around a small yellowish planet. Hugo grinned at it.

“Now what?” William prompted after a minute of silence. Hugo was not used to being in charge of missions.

“Oh, uh,” said Hugo. “We land. And search for intelligent life.”

“What if intelligent life doesn’t want to be found?”

“Well, I have my blaster...”

“Wonderful. Little red beams of light. I feel so safe.”

“Yeah, well, if the intelligent life is really intent on not being disturbed, I’d rather be at a safe distance with my blaster than close up with your sword.”

“Just land this stupid thing.”
----------------------------------
Now on the surface of the planet, Hugo jumped out of the spaceship. William reluctantly followed. “Where do we start?” he asked.

“Um...why don’t we go on top of that hill and look around?” Hugo started walking toward a large rounded hill that was the only landscape feature in their sight. William followed, feeling slightly uneasy about the squishiness of the ground beneath their feet.

The two climbed to the top of the hill, but couldn’t see much. Far in the distance, they spotted another rounded hill almost identical to the one on which they were standing. There was another, taller hill in a different direction. It seemed to have a sharp ridge leading to the peak, where it rounded off and sloped down. Two smaller rounded hills sat on either side.

“HELLO!” called Hugo. “INTELLIGENT LIFE!”

“Shh!” said William. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

“We came to find intelligent life,” said Hugo in anger. “How are we supposed to find it if we don’t look?”

“Just...shh,” said William. He was feeling more uneasy with each passing moment.

Hugo sighed. He looked around. There was some sort of crack running across the hill they stood on. As he looked at it, he realized that it was virtually a straight line with some sort of vegetation growing from the crack. The way the black plants stood straight up reminded him of something.

“Oh!” Hugo declared, remembering. “We have to claim this planet in the name of Greenstone!”

“Umm...” said William. “Let’s find out a little more before we go claiming some foreign planet in the name of Greenstone.”

“Nonsense!” said Hugo. He unfolded a flagpole he had brought for just such an occasion. “I hereby claim this planet in the name of Greenstone!” And he jammed the flagpole down in the crack.

There was a massive roar from deep in the interior of the planet. The ground beneath them began to tremble. The flag dropped, and the crack began to widen.

“RUN!” screamed William as he took off down the side of the hill. Hugo didn’t need to be told twice.

“Is it an earthquake?” Hugo asked as he tried desperately to catch up with William.

“I wish,” said William. “We need to leave as fast as possible!”

The two raced to their ship. The yellow ground was rolling back off the hill, revealing a white orb beneath that was topped with a black spot. Hugo had a vague feeling that it looked familiar, but he was too intent on escaping to ponder it.

William got to the ship first and leapt in the back seat. “FLY US OUT OF HERE!” he screamed at Hugo, who jumped in the front seat and started the engine. He took off and turned it immediately towards the stars.

They had just cleared the surface of the planet when there was another massive roar from behind them. William turned to look, and his suspicions were confirmed. The hill they had just been standing on was in fact a giant eye, and it was looking right at them.

“FASTER!” screamed William.

“Why?” said Hugo. “Didn’t we get off the planet in time?”

“THAT’S NO PLANET!” William insisted. “GOGOGOGOGO!!!”

Hugo looked back. By this time they were far enough away to see that there the "planet" had two eyes, a nose, and most terrifyingly, a giant toothy mouth that gaped and snapped at them. Hugo screamed.

“HYPERSPACE!” shouted William.

“I CAN’T FIND IT!” cried Hugo in a panic.

“WELL, IT HAS TO BE THERE!” William screamed. “HURRY!”

William looked behind them. The huge planet-head was quite definitely chasing them. The eyes had a cold alien fury in them. The massive jaws were opening and closing. William could smell its breath, and it was horrible. The head seemed to be getting bigger, and William could only surmise that this fact meant that the planet-head was gaining on them.

He turned to scream at Hugo some more, but Hugo had passed out at the controls. William leaned forward and shoved him out of the way. He saw the hyperspace label, but the lever seemed to have broken off. He knew he had no time to look, only to act. He pulled his sword from its scabbard, and as he saw the giant teeth ready to bite down overhead , William Rumper jammed his sword into the hyperspace circuit. The ship hurtled forward, leaving the planet-head behind in its intergalactic dust.
---------------------------------
Hugo woke up as they neared the earth, and landed the ship. Now, safely back in Greenstone, William and Hugo stood beside the craft and looked at each other.

“This,” said William in a harsh voice, “is why we do not explore other planets in search of intelligent life.”

Hugo looked sheepish. “It was something different. I’m satisfied. Where do we go now?”

A bell sounded.
---------------------------------
Billy Rumper, age 8, looked back at the source of the bell. Of course, it was the end of recess at Grinston Elementary School. He looked back at his best friend, Hugo, and then at the log they had used to simulate a rocket ship. He shrugged, then smiled at his friend. “Back to reality, I guess,” he said, and the two went to join their class.

THE END