The Secret of Twah, part I

This is not a completely original story by me, just an adaptation of an old joke I was told as a youth. It's long, and the ending may be upsetting to some, but here is my interpratation, which is much shorter than the original. Don't say I didn't warn you. And be glad I didn't decide to retell the Fluffy Dog Joke.

THE SECRET OF TWAH
Once upon a time, in a far off land, lived a farmer. He was not native to the area, but had moved there when he married his wife nine years previously. The couple had two lovely children, and lived in the farmhouse at the base of the mountain.

One day, as the farmer worked in the fields, he heard a booming voice from the top of the mountain. The voice said a single word:

"TWAH."

The farmer stopped and listened, but heard nothing else. Bewildered he asked his wife about it.

"Oh yes," she replied. "That's just Twah. It happens every ten years. No one really knows anything about it, except for the monks."

"Monks?" the farmer asked.

"Yes," said his wife. "There's a monastery up at the top of the mountain. They are the sacred keepers of the Secret of Twah. If you want to know more about it, you'll have to ask them, because that's all anyone else knows."

Over the next few weeks, the farmer became obsessed with the Secret of Twah. Finally, he determined to discover the meaning of the mysterious word by going to the top of the mountain and asking the monks in person. He kissed his family and set off on the perilous journey.

It took him three months to reach the top of the mountain. In that time, he was attacked by six cougars, three giant eagles, a pack of ravenous wolves, several bands of roving vagabonds (he lost count because some of them attacked him multiple times), and an ill-tempered ferret. Finally, he reached the monastery at the top of the mountain and knocked.

A peephole opened, and a single green eye peered out at him. "Yes?" a voice, presumably belonging to the eye, asked.

"I've traveled from the village at the base of the mountain, and endurd much suffering along the way," the farmer replied. "I have come all this way because I want to learn the Secret of Twah."

The eye regarded him for a while, then the voice said, "I can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The peephole shut. The farmer stood and stared for a moment, then banged on the door again. The peephole opened, and the eye looked out at him again. "Yes?" the voice said.

"I have to know the Secret of Twah," the farmer said. "I have left everything behind. I must know!"

The eye looked at him. "Then you have to become a monk."

"Fine," said the farmer. "How do I become a monk?"

"We must prepare the Rite of Monkhood," said the voice. "Come back in one month."

NEXT: The Rite Begins