The Adventures of Captain Obvious, part VI

Scene Six. The Obvious Cave. When CAPTAIN OBVIOUS and DR. SARCASM enter, it is dark.

OBVIOUS: Lights! (nothing happens) AHEM! I said LIGHTS! (Nothing continues to happen. CAPTAIN OBVIOUS claps his hands. Nothing persists in happening.) Nothing seems to be happening.

SARCASM: Brilliant observation, Sherlock.

OBVIOUS: Captain Obvious.

SARCASM: Darn, screwed up again.

OBVIOUS: You know, this memory thing is going to get you into real trouble some day. Perhaps you should...oh.

SARCASM: What?

OBVIOUS: I understand. Dr. SARCASM. As in being sarcastic. I just caught that.

SARCASM: Did you think that was just my last name?

OBVIOUS: Well...yes.

SARCASM: You thought my name was something like John Sarcasm? What’s your real name, George Obvious?

OBVIOUS: Bill, actually.

SARCASM: What?

OBVIOUS: Bill Obvious. I didn’t know we could choose different names. Interesting.

SARCASM: I’m not having this conversation.

OBVIOUS: But, this doesn’t explain why the lights aren’t on.

SARCASM: Did you try the light switch?

OBVIOUS: Ah. The maid must have turned it off there by accident.

SARCASM: The maid?

OBVIOUS: Yes.

SARCASM: When did we get a maid?

OBVIOUS: Oh, didn’t I tell you? She started last week. I got tired of cleaning up after myself, so I hired a maid.

SARCASM: Why don’t we just have a big sign out front that says, “CAPTAIN OBVIOUS’ SECRET LAIR”?

OBVIOUS: It wouldn’t be secret then, would it?

SARCASM: Yeah, and we’re hiding it from the world anyway by having it in the phone book.

OBVIOUS: (at the light switch) Let there be light! (And it is so. But looking around the room, they see that it has been ransacked.) Merciful heavens! We’ve been robbed!

SARCASM: How do you think they found us?

OBVIOUS: More importantly, who is “they”?

VOICE: (coldly, from offstage) I think you know the answer to that, Captain Obvious.

OBVIOUS: That voice...who is it...

WORM: (emerges from the shadows, stage left) We meet at last.
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Can Captain Obvious and Doctor Sarcasm possibly get out of this alive? What nefarious scheme does the Worm have planned? Is Captain Obvious a real captain? WHEN WILL THIS STORY END?!? The answers to some of these questions, plus some others that I didn't mention, and minus some that you really want to know but won't, can be found in the thrilling finale of THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!!!