The Adventures of Captain Obvious, part V

Scene Five. The Obviousmobile. CAPTAIN OBVIOUS is driving.

OBVIOUS: ...and so, if we line up all the victims as relates to their position in the phone book, we may be able to discover his method of flipping. Random flipping usually alternates between sections, front and back. We just may have a chance here.

SARCASM: As usual, your intellect enthralls me.

OBVIOUS: (pause) You know, Dr. Sarcasm, it occurs to me that when you say things like that, you’re not always being entirely forthcoming.

SARCASM: Whatever gave you that idea?

OBVIOUS: Well, I am Captain Obvious.

SARCASM: Right, I keep forgetting.

OBVIOUS: It’s strange that you would keep forgetting that.

SARCASM: Completely bizarre. Perhaps I should see a doctor.

OBVIOUS: But you are a doctor.

SARCASM: A doctor of sarcasmology...we’re not quite qualified to perform complicated medical procedures like lobotomies...though we’d really like to try on some people.

OBVIOUS: Where do you get that sort of degree?

SARCASM: In sarcasmology?

OBVIOUS: No, in underwater basket weaving.

SARCASM: (impressed) Well done!

OBVIOUS: What?

SARCASM: A fine display of sarcasm! There’s hope for you yet!

OBVIOUS: I was serious. I was thinking about it this morning, in the shower, and wondered where underwater basket weavers got their training. It seems logical that some universities and institutions of higher learning would have such a program, though I’ve never come across them. That’s what a lobotomy is, isn’t it? A style of underwater basket weaving?

SARCASM: Thank you for proving that cynicism is always going to be the best method of dealing with your kind. Guess that’ll teach me to jump to conclusions...

OBVIOUS: Nonetheless, we must concentrate on the task at hand! The Obvious Cave awaits!

SARCASM: Oh boy.

Go To Part Six