The PC Viper Chronicles, Chapter One - part II

In part I, a man named P.C. Viper announced his candidacy for President of the United States. The only campaign promise he made was that if not elected, he would kill a puppy named Hamster.

There was plenty of outrage to go around after the announcement, but most of the presidential candidates chose to ignore the threat, as P.C. Viper was obviously a lunatic. However, one man, Samuel Solomon Bucks, an independent from Wyoming, chose to fire back. Following is a transcript of his own ad, produced three days after the Viper ad.

My fellow Americans, you have heard much about the infamous puppy threat from one of my opponents, Mr. P.C. Viper. Some of my rivals in this campaign have opted not to respond, apparently fearful of alienating the puppy-hater demographic. However, I believe puppy-haters should not have a say in our government system, and I hereby denounce all puppy-hating activities.

Let me take this a step further. Mr. Viper has threatened to kill a puppy if he is not elected. This, I can guarantee, he will not do. For, if I am elected, and Mr. Viper carries through with his threat to murder poor Hamster, I will nuke his sorry carcass off the face of this planet. I’ll do it, too.

So, Mr. Viper. If you believe this stunt will win you the presidency, think again. Your vulgar threat will alienate the people of America that you wish to vote for you, and your following through will earn my everlasting enmity. If you kill that puppy, your days are numbered.

You know your options, America. Vote for Viper and cave in to blackmail. Or vote for Sam Bucks and vote for puppy insurance.

The response was immediate. The major party candidates were quickly forgotten, and all the news stations could talk about was the blossoming rivalry between Viper and Bucks. The former front runners quickly attempted to take a stand on puppy killing, but to no avail. Most pundits agreed it was too little too late, and the next president would most assuredly be either Bucks or Viper.
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IN THE NEXT EPISODE: The Debate