Ambushed, part IV

For about a month, nothing happened. Phil went to work, got mocked endlessly, jumped at small noises, spoke to no one he didn't know, kept himself completely to his routine without allowing any deviation, and in general became a recluse. His house had become something of a tourist spot, with people stopping to take pictures, ringing the doorbell to see if they could come in and see what he had done with the place, honking their horns in the middle of the night, and so on. Phil was deperately trying to find out what legal action he could take, but he was frightened that any lawyer he spoke to would be under the employ of Ambush!

One day, as Phil was working at his desk, he received a package. After Phil had signed the form, the delivery man said, "Hey, aren't you that guy..."

"No," snapped Phil. "Goodbye." And he ripped open the package.

Plastic snakes flew out, and Phil jumped back in fear. It took him a second to realize what had just happened.

"Surprise!" said the delivery guy. "You've been Ambushed!"

Confetti fell from the ceiling and everyone around Phil's cubicle laughed. Phil stood, looked the delivery man right in the eye, and screamed. Loudly. For a long time. Then he grabbed his briefcase, and headed for the elevator. The camel's back had been broken. He would move to some third world country where no one had a television.

The elevator doors opened, and Phil stepped inside. One floor down, the doors opened again, and a large woman walked in.

"Oh, har de har har," snarled Phil. "Let me guess...the elevator will get stuck and I'll have to deliver your baby, right? How original."

The woman looked offended. "I'm not pregnant."

"OH!" said Phil, aghast. "I'm so sorry! I..."

They reached the woman's floor. After she got back, she looked at him and said, "Hey, aren't you that guy..."

"NO!" yelled Phil, as the doors closed. However, instead of heading down, the elevator went up.

"HEY, YOU STUPID ELEVATOR!" Phil screamed, and hit the doors. The elevator stopped, and the alarm went off. "Nononono, that's not what I wanted to you to do! Shh! SSSHHH!!!" The alarm stopped, but the elevator did not move. Phil wondered if he had hurt the elevator's feelings, then wondered if he had lost his mind.

The elevator started up again, moving downward, but very slowly. Phil got the impression that it was sulking. Finally, it arrived on the first floor and the doors opened. However, Phil found that he was actually halfway between the first floor and the basement. He could see people's feet moving around at eye level. He waited until the doors shut, then hit the first floor button again. The doors opened, but the elevator had not moved fropm its previous position. Grumbling, Phil climbed out to the first floor.

Standing in front of him was the large woman and the elevator technician. They were laughing. "Surprise!" the woman said. "You've been Ambushed!"

Confetti fell, and everyone laughed, but Phil was too busy speeding out of the building to notice.

NEXT: The Fun Continues