Ambushed, part V

Phil ran to the street and hailed a cab. No way was he going to his car today. As he was climbing into the taxi, he realized that the Ambushed! people probably expected this, and this cab was probably in on the joke. So he got out and waved it on.

He waved on the next five taxis, and finally got in the seventh. He told it to take him to his house and gave the address. As the cab driver drove down the street, he looked in the rearview mirror and said, "Hey, aren't you that guy..."

"NO!" screamed Phil. "LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW!"

"Relax, pal," said the driver. "I just thought you looked a little like that guy from that movie. You know, the one with the chimp that was running a gym?"

"The one with the chimp that was running a gym?" asked Phil, somewhat relieved.

"Yeah!" said the driver enthusiastically and spent the next ten minutes telling Phil the plot of what was apparently his favorite movie. Phil leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

"Hey," the driver said suddenly. "You know those guys?"

Phil turned and saw a white van behind the cab. Fear filled his heart. "I don't know," he said.

The cabbie shrugged. "They've been behind us since I picked you up."

The taxi turned right, and Phil could see the logo imprinted on the side of the van. AMBUSH!

"No, oh no," he moaned. "Can you lose them?"

"Thought you'd never ask," said the cabbie, and took off. Phil had to hold on to make sre he wasn't thrown against the sides of the car as the taxi sped down the crowded city streets. On several occasions, Phil was sure he would die when oncoming traffic looked primed to crash into the cab head on, but the cabbie knew what he was doing, and death was avoided by mere centimeters every time.

Behind the taxi, however, the van was keeping pace. Phil was more scared than he had ever been, and said, "Maybe we should just stop and see what they want."

"No way, Cletus," said the cabbie. "Those punks messed with the wrong taxi."

The cabbie cut left sharply to avoid a collision with an oncoming semi. However, the van was not as lucky. It missed the semi, veered off the road and crashed into the side of a building.

"We have to go back!" shouted Phil. "They may be hurt!"

"Too late," said the cabbie as three cop cars appeared, sirens blazing, chasing the taxi. The cabbie led them on a merry chase for several miles, then did a nifty u-turn on a bridge that sent the cop cars sailing over the edge and into the river below.

Phil was horrified. He couldn't believe what had just happened. It was so surreal, and the cabbie was so calm.

Now unpursued, the cab headed for Phil's house. When it got there, the cabbie insisted that there was no charge. "Never had more fun," he said. "Besides, they have my cab number now, I'm going to have to run for it. It was a pleasure." Phil got out, and started to walk towards his house. The cabbie called after him. "Hey! Phil!"

Phil had known this was coming. The cabbie was too calm, there were no apparent repercussions, and besides, he had never told the cabbie his name. He gritted his teeth and turned around.

"Surprise! You've been Ambushed!" the cabbie yelled happily. Confetti shot from the roof of his vehicle. Phil grimaced, turned and walked up to his house.

His key didn't work. Perfect. He pounded on the door, and sure enough, a guy opened the door. "May I help you?"

Phil nodded. "Yeah, this is my house, and you're going to tell me it's actually your house, and I'll insist that it's mine, and then you'll embarrass me, and then you'll tell me I've been Ambushed. I've had a hard day, can you just let me inside?"

The man looked confused. "Phil, it's me, Frank," Frank said. "Your house is on the other side of the street."

Phil looked. Yep, there it was. The taxi was spewing confetti, and the driver was laughing hard, pounding the steering wheel. Phil decided then that he couldn't handle it anymore. He passed out right there on Frank's stoop.

NEXT: It's Over?